And perhaps, this will have to end. I’m cheating on the One who loved me first. The One who loved me before you did. The One who loves me more intimately than you ever could.
I care about you more than I even understand, but I don’t know how much I can take- how much of my changed self I can take.
And I’m sorry for being so careless. I already knew the type of person I wanted. I feel like I used you, and trust me when I say that was never my intention.
Love? Yes I feel it for you, but I’ll never say it out loud. Why? I can’t let you know because I don’t know if I want to be with you. Not because I don’t L-word you, but because I cannot abandon God. Two masters. Either I will hate one or love the other. Idolatry.
If only you and I could run the same path together. If only you would be the one willing to run the narrow path to His heart with me.
And to the Lord, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Save me from myself because I can’t keep going on like this.